“Releasing Fear and Self Doubt through Painting, Art, Expression and Activating More Self Love….”

Was going through some old photos from 2018 and felt to share a piece of my journey where I was challenged to work through some fears and self doubt I didn’t even know I held inside.

That is until Beautiful Emily asked me if I wanted to paint, and not just paint but on a big canvas…

That’s when I froze and was like “ahhh, ummmm, welll, ahhhh……”, then some awkward silence and then me feeling fear for the first time in a while as I had been working through and Resolving my fears for years at this point. I was actually shocked that a simple canvas and a beautiful gesture could throw me off so much inside. It was funny but also very intriguing as Emily is a professional artist, so immediately just felt it was because she was an artist and I’d be embarrassed which was an inner block, program, story for me to look at, but that’s when the next piece came.

I then sat there staring at the canvas saying to myself “what the heck would I paint, where do I start, what colors should I use, what brush, how do I use the brushes…”, it was like a barrage of little tiny fears just appeared and I know for sure Emily was divinely guided to ask me to paint, I could feel it lol. But I also didn’t want to buckle, cave to the fear as I had been working deeply on clearing and resolving all my fears in life, so I asked a few questions and felt a bit better about it, she said “just paint what feels good, start with a color and se where it takes you”. I was again feeling more fear, was so funny to me that painting was getting me so deeply. I had so many little mini fears come up to break through and I knew this was why it was all happening, now looking back because I was deep into my journey and Unknowingly Ascending my consciousness at the time.

So I just started picking colors and painting, the thing was it was a massive old canvas she had that was 3ft x 4Ft, which was also freaking me out as I was feeling “how the heck will I fill this space…”. I’m laughing now as I write this because I ended up painting lots of paintings after that one but back then it was a real challenge for me to really get going. I was resolving the fears in the moment by walking straight into them, which was pretty awesome actually. I would feel a fear and just go at it, breaking through it in the moment, then Take Responsibility for holding the fear.

Next thing you know after days of painting I had filled this massive canvas and was wondering, “how do I know when it’s finished..”😂 so many funny moments but Emily shared if it feels done then just stop and let it be done, check in on it tomorrow… Realizing in later paintings you can just keep going and going but end up with a new painting many times over on the same canvas. Then sometimes wanting to go back to an earlier version.. so funny.

So with this first one I finally called it done and put a glaze on to finish.

Next day I woke up and looked at it and that’s when the self doubt came through in a big way, I was feeling inside, “what the heck is this, what did I do, will anyone like it, why did I use those colors..😂 again seeing I held fear and self doubt and then Emily came over and shared “it’s really cool, great work..”, I was actually shocked as I was all down on myself, not believing her lol. Then she said “ it’s all about your own self expression, what calls to you and comes out of you, that’s what art is, it’s yours”. That’s when I realized my ego was just playing games with me and I was being called to stand in my power and truly love what I had just created, didn’t matter about anyone else, I did it for me… that’s when I dropped all the fears and self doubt and just allowed it to be. What a wonderful feeling yet, didn’t come without going back and forth and having to stand in my power again as the ego, mind likes to keep us doubting, shaming and questing ourselves.

Sometimes it would creep back in and try to take me but id stand in my power and tell my ego mind to just sush up and enough with the mind games, then strongly hold my belief that I loved it because it was mine for me, didn’t matter about anyone else.

Was a fun way to really excavate some deep inner fear and self worth, doubt and I realized that because I never ever took art in school or my life, that was where all ego programming of self doubt and fear came from for me. So I laughed and kept painting more paintings for a year or two, my mom still has the first one and a few other small ones at her house to this day. I never did even try to sell the first paintings on canvas or any of the brush paintings, was all more of something that blossomed into blaring open my creativity in different ways. I played drums and was a chef and was very creative with those to arts but painting was a new inspiration and it challenged me to love myself for all I do.

Then I got into pour painting for a while just because it was fun and what a release it all was, sold a few of those then just packed them all away as a big release session of breaking through some hidden density and expanding more into self love, self expression.

Just wanted to share this fun little, big experience as you never know where and when those hidden fragments might come up, but if it comes, I recommend to except the challenges and just break right through them in the moment and keep on going till you’ve worked through all the programming that presents.

It’s soooooo freeeeing…!

What a gift it all was…, Thank You Emily Millar for asking me to paint that day and for activating the Hidden gems of density held within me to come out and be resolved.

Challenges are ALWAYS opportunities…!!!!

Do your best not to run from them (challenges, triggers) as they are showing us the density we hold inside blocking us from True Freedom from within. Running only makes them come back up again and again looping until we finally deal with it all. Especially in these Mega Powerful Frequencies coming through everyday now…

I’ added a photos of the first painting. .

I Love You…!! 💖🎨🖌🖼💖

Ps… all the paintings on the left of this photo are Emily’s, mine are the orange one and green Energy cloud one in bottom right. Don’t want to take credit for Emily’s gorgeous Energy Art. 😇

The first painting below...